Hurting Others with Energy: Part 1 of 5
“I was hurt, so I’m not responsible for what I do. I deserve to be mad. And I can make it all better later, or act like it never happened."
As we become more and more ultrasensitive in this budding Intuition Age, as we learn to live by and use “frequency principles” — the way energy and awareness actually work — we must penetrate into the reality of the Golden Rule and realize exactly why it is the core truth in every spiritual tradition.
I recently encountered a handful of situations where people were trying to understand and recover from the hurt caused by seemingly intelligent, spiritually aware friends and partners. These partners had been abused and abandoned in childhood, and periodically, like clockwork, they would erupt in cycles of rage and passive-aggressive behavior. These wounded partners have a double standard they don’t see: after having craved, solicited, and even demanded unconditional love and support, they seem not to mind abusing and wounding those who actually do love and support them — the moment they begin to feel scared.
During the acting out episodes, they say cruel things, throw objects, destroy property, and impulsively try to ruin their relationship by blaming the other person for the very things they themselves are doing. They cannot see the parallels — how they are becoming the abusers they hate, and how they are actually re-abusing themselves. They don’t want to see this because it would mean taking responsibility for their actions and having to face a painful (though false) idea of who they think they are.
They often walk or storm out of the room/house with no communication about where they’re going or when they might return, leaving the other person to worry about their safety and the future of the relationship. Heart and empathy are shut down and there is little capacity to feel the pain they caused.
There is, however, a will to deflect one’s own pain, a will to blame others, a will to wound. I suppose, below the surface in some level of the crazy victim-mind, they are letting themselves off the hook because, “I was hurt, so I’m not responsible for what I do. I deserve to be mad. And I can make it all better later, or act like it never happened. Or, I can always just leave.”
I remember watching, with morbid fascination, a reality television program that dealt with celebrity rehab from drug, alcohol, and sex addiction. It was interesting to watch the difference between the two states of awareness the addicts swung back and forth between. When they were high they isolated themselves, acted impulsively and narcissistically, and put down or destroyed anything relating to “normal” life. Whatever substance they relied on to cover their pain became the Authority and demanded attention and obedience.
As they detoxed, the frightened mind acted out in ways I described above: behaviors marked by lying, whining, making excuses, avoiding truth, going into apathy and dissociative states, and becoming cruel and violent to distance others who might want to “judge” or “change” them. When they came through the detox process and were clean, their sweetness shone through, they cared about others, and expressed themselves clearly and intelligently. Their talent emerged. As I watched, I began to discriminate times when the disease was talking vs. times when the soul was talking.
Many people are not addicts to the extent those celebrities were, but many of us manage or medicate our early wounds similarly, in a variety of tricky ways. The behavior is the same: When faced with feeling that the old painful pattern might repeat, or with the reality of having to give up the core addiction to being a victim, the mind pulls out every possible mode of distraction and avoidance. A gap opens and it’s so easy then to say any hurtful thing, or to use energy to whack someone. This is something we need to own up to and be able to change. We are in great need of clearing violence from ourselves and teaching violence to others, especially to those we love.
I like how you say, "skate with an ugly thought that can damage another. . ." What we say out loud is damaging but so is what we think toward people. We are all quite telepathic and moreso every day!
I just saw a Napoleon Hill quote on FB: 'Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do." That's on one hand. On the other hand there are the thoughts' origin . . . coming wily-nily, often in the wonderment of "you've got to be kidding me". I love the ability to question the thought if it brings me discomfort or pain (ala Byron Katie). I love the rationality of choosing the thought and staying with it or letting it go. Though most of all I love being able to be aware enough to not be directed and under the control of the thought. No, I'm not getting into our autonomous functioning systems . . . I don't want that selection level. at this consciousness level; I do want to eliminate my ability to 'skate' with an ugly thought that can damage another in this strange dream. I know I can pray healthfully and healingly and lovingly into another's mind, so I can, as I know of my foibles, or another's thoughts of allowance of ill toward others, pray as well for them. That's got to be so in the Oneness of us all, and have positive, though likely not immediate and apparent effect. After all, Oneness connections are like my rudimentary understanding of quantum entanglements where the same thing is known light years apart instantly. Thanks for your wonderful words. Blessings.